Archive | Personal RSS for this section

4th year – Dialysis

June 28, 2014 – was the first time I set foot on the dialysis center for my medical treatment. I clearly remember how I was feeling back when, confused, scared, nervous and weak. As I look around the other patients, I somehow realize that I was the youngest, I am only 30 during that time and at that moment, I was thinking thoughts like, how would dialysis hurt me? Will I get better on dialysis? Does the needle hurt? How am I to survive this? As I am waiting for my turn on the machine, I spend a lot of time observing my surroundings and emotionally coping up with my anxiety. The sight, the sounds, the smell, the people, the nurses, I clearly remember all of them as I do not know what to expect. And then when my turn was up, lucky for me, a good nurse guided me through, she asked me basic questions, how old am I and all that, I vaguely remember the conversation but all I remember is, the moment I saw her, I knew I was in safe hands. Read More…


Why are you still so afraid?! – Vienna

When I was 24, and has so much going on in my life.. My favourite friend said I live this song and told me to slow down a bit ‘coz I’m going way too fast and stop thinking too much about the future while I should be enjoying life.. Well, during that time, I have this vision of myself that’s exactly who I wanted to be when I turn 35.. I kept working on with that vision until I’ve been able to achieve it at the age of 28, the turn around was really fast ain’t it?! somehow I’m satisfied… everything was going well until I’ve become sick with CKD… everything has to stop including the life that I wanted, the vision that I’ve worked for, the dreams I’m molding…

Listening to this song brings back memories of me when I was 24, dreaming and determined… I am now 31 and I kept thinking about what life has done to me. My dreams were gone before my eyes and I can’t even see a vision of me now not even at the age of 35… Just as this road I’m walking on is way too dark and life gets really rough for me, I’m trying to open my eyes to the things God wants me to see. I’m trying to understand his purpose of why this happened… Today, I feel very weak and disabled… I want to have that feeling I used to have when I was 24, to dream again… to hope for a brighter tomorrow once again… I hope I’m strong enough to overcome this darkness…

Protected: Peripatetic road to consciousness – Part 3

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Sentiments of a dialysis patient….

This time last year, I was diagnosed with a kidney failure. I found it very hard at first to accept this, everything has to change including the fact that I have to adjust to an extremely busy job that I love to doing so much less. However, as days passed by, I’ve begun to accept this new normal life that has been bestowed upon me. Balancing the medication, dialysis, doctor visits, blood tests and so much more has become a way of life. Truthfully, I have no idea how long this can last, the only hope that I have apart from a sudden miracle is a kidney transplant and this is not as easy as counting stars but hey I’m holding on to faith! Having this condition, I have taught so much that I want to divulge the real impression I have as a dialysis patient.

  Read More…

My broken wings….

Sometimes life can get to you even if you have tried your very best to live your life in the righteous path. There’s this saying that goes “Sometimes God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers”, considering the fact that I am baptized as a Christian, well, maybe I am one of God’s soldiers too. Honest to goodness I do ask God a lot of questions, every day when I wake up until I go to bed, I keep saying prayers and I keep talking to him on random things, sometimes there’s a humor and sometimes through annoying situations or even when I am tempted into doing something bad. I did asked God to control my tempter at certain situations, I do ask God favors to help me pass examinations, guide me to doing something hard, yes that’s right! I do ask God everything in every situation I encounter in my life and so I have always been thankful. I can say that I was one of those people who have a strong faith in God and I have built a good relationship between my maker and me. I am a person who God has once favored, whom he blessed with talents, wisdom and understanding, someone who he loved and cared for. My life was almost perfect; he blessed me with everything I needed and there was nothing I could ever ask for. Not until, one thing came to another…. Read More…


My fourth dialysis is nearly coming again yet wounds from the previous one nor from the first one haven’t healed yet. It’s too painful that I just want it to stop and when I asked what will happen to me if I don’t go through my dialysis sessions anymore? They say that I can’t because my body will eventually shut down and I will die. This got me really scared!

These past few months, I have learned what real suffering is. There is nothing more fatal when you start bargaining your life to God asking him to heal you and extend your years alive. Read More…

Lost by Rhiana

I was inspired by the song so I incorporated my poem along with it.

Hope you guys will enjoy it and thank you for watching!