My broken wings….
Sometimes life can get to you even if you have tried your very best to live your life in the righteous path. There’s this saying that goes “Sometimes God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers”, considering the fact that I am baptized as a Christian, well, maybe I am one of God’s soldiers too. Honest to goodness I do ask God a lot of questions, every day when I wake up until I go to bed, I keep saying prayers and I keep talking to him on random things, sometimes there’s a humor and sometimes through annoying situations or even when I am tempted into doing something bad. I did asked God to control my tempter at certain situations, I do ask God favors to help me pass examinations, guide me to doing something hard, yes that’s right! I do ask God everything in every situation I encounter in my life and so I have always been thankful. I can say that I was one of those people who have a strong faith in God and I have built a good relationship between my maker and me. I am a person who God has once favored, whom he blessed with talents, wisdom and understanding, someone who he loved and cared for. My life was almost perfect; he blessed me with everything I needed and there was nothing I could ever ask for. Not until, one thing came to another…. Looking back, my life has been like a roller coaster ride since I was a child, I have experienced a lot of things, there are so much happy memories and sadness comes along with it as well, the most painful of all is losing the people you love. I have lost the people I have always known in my life, the very reason of my being, the people who cared for me since child, this kind of pain was unbearable. Knowing the hurt that comes along with it, will either break you or make you. In my case, it made me of who I am today. My losses have paved way for me to do better in life, at one point I have been able to walk through the path of my dreams. I was able to get through one dream job to another and was able to reach my dream position in the company I have worked for. I was able to accomplish various projects and I did well. I was having fun. In shorter way, I was at the peak of my career not until… I was diagnosed with a kidney failure. Learning for the first time about my chronic illness is like total darkness. As young as I am with this disease is a struggle and there is nothing I can do. Everything I have worked hard for went down to nothing. I have to leave work and attend to my medical condition. Today, it has been seven months of fighting this disease that could kill me in a snap! I am becoming immune with one injection to another. Dialysis, laboratories, hospitalizations and worst is the financial situation. Truthfully, I don’t know how to ever deal with this any longer. I have come to think that I had enough and maybe I should just give it up but a part of me is saying keep on fighting…. You see, sometimes I come to think that God doesn’t favor me now the way he used to. Everything I try to do now keeps failing and it is hard to hope for something surreal in this hard situation when all I can do is reminisce, wanting my old self back, my life back and my happiness back… While all I can do is pray when all hopes are not visible, when my dreams are gone, when resources are not enough and when miracles are too impossible…. My life… Will I ever get it back someday? Only God knows…. Despite the feeling of being ignored by my maker, at the corner of my heart I’m still wishing he’ll be able to hear my prayers someday. By: Rhiana Jay Ruiz (yangkingkong) – 9/25/2014