Extreme Anxiety

Wanna know how desperation gets to attraction and attraction involves humiliation not realizing that it’s only desperation that he is involving and when attraction gets stronger because of admiration only confusion usually comes in the way, and when confusion and desperation are already allies there will be a promised anxiety?

Here read this letter of desperation to attraction to understand the above paragraph…

Dearest attraction,

I know you feel that I admire you, but it seems like it’s nothing to you. The time I met you, I knew that it is possible for me to like you in the absence of the person I last admire. I said to myself “pwede” but because I didn’t want the possibilities of falling in love again and not having that love in return I have tried not to like you at all. I have to find every possibility for you not to like me and for I not to fall for you. Eventually, the more I hate you the more I want you to like me. Since then, I wanted so much to be close to you and you don’t even know it. Everyday is not an easy day for me especially when you’re around; I tremble in my knees especially when you talk to me. You’ve treated me not as good as it was but as time went by you’ve learned to treat me nicely and the weirdest thing is the nicer you are to me, the more I want you to like me and I see you also have a negative part of you and when I see these things, the deeper my attraction to you become. I said to myself I have to make a way for I to win you’re attention, make me your best interest and for you to admire me too. It is hard for me to act innocent with what my heart has been screaming, I realized that it is not good liking you at all because I’m just fooling myself for an unrequited love just as the time that I have decided to cut it out, I felt you’re already starting to like me and it’s all in my intuition. I tried to give us a chance to be close; in some ways we got connected, but that time was the time I was about to go. I haven’t spoken with you for a long time but then I went back for a reason that I was simply missing you. I didn’t move on because of you and you don’t even know how I’m feeling and it just grows stronger each day. I tried to stay the 2nd time around but as I was staying there you merely talked to me, I didn’t know how it happened but unexpectedly I’ve seen closed doors, I wasn’t aware of the forces acting on me and I didn’t know if you still want me into you’re life again but I felt like everything is over just as when friendship is yet to bloom.

Now I’m missing you, I just have one question for you. If I haven’t left, how close must we be now? My entire fault is not giving a chance for our friendship to bloom when I had the chance to; I wish you can relate to this. I know you can already discern how I’m feeling with what I have already been acting, at least you must have felt it, I know you’re not insensitive you’re just acting innocent about it. I really like to tell you now but I’m so afraid of how you’d be reacting. I’m afraid of what you might say or you might do but honestly, even if I expect that it will not turn out the way I wanted it to happen, I just want you to know.

Telling you is not what I’m actually bothered, how you’d be reacting to it after I confess is what scares me. I’m afraid that you might avoid me and I’m afraid of the impression I might convey in your thoughts. You know what, as confused as you are when I look into your eyes is also the reason I’m confused with how you’re feeling towards me. It seems clear that we’re just buddies but I wanted to think that you like me the way I like you; I also want to think that at least I’m something special in your eyes but what if I’m wrong? Will I ever survive that thought, the thing nearest to reality? Just thinking about it makes my heart scream in pain.

If I tell you how I’m feeling now, two things are at stake one is loosing you forever and two is having you in my life. If you choose the first one you will never see me again, at least I wanted to see you but I won’t have the courage to talk to you face to face again, but in time we cross each others path I’ll make sure I have moved on but in my percept that will be the longest time and If you choose the 2nd one, I’d be the happiest person and I promise that I will forever cherish you.

Attraction, I didn’t know what you have imparted in my life but for sure, It’s turning my life upside down. It’s driving me crazy. I have never felt this way for someone, and I admit I have cried because of you, I cried because I wanted you so much now and my feeling is about to explode but I can’t even tell it to you.

When will I have the courage to? I think I will never have that courage so I’ll just write my emotions into this piece of paper hoping you might read it and know that it is you.

Yours truly,

Zealous ally


4 responses to “Extreme Anxiety”

  1. Wreckless says :

    ayus ahh.. mukhang sobrang desperate naman.. sino ba tinutukoy mo dyan?

  2. rhiana13 says :

    well… purely imagination.. hehe

  3. Wreckless says :

    nde naman eh… 🙂

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