Windows of opportunities
Put it this way, there are three doors open for me. The 1st door was the one I have taken long before I took the 2nd door. The first door knocked on me while I was on the 2nd door and so I opened it for them, I tried to quit the 2nd door and it just would not allow me to go and so I stayed leaving the first door open until I would finish crossing the line with the 2nd door. After finishing what I have started with the 2ndst door but the 1st door has already closed doors for me. Desperately, I asked 2nd door to wait for me until I would finish what I started but at the mean time I also asked them to open their windows for me to keep in touch, but things just didn’t worked out that way because I have heard rumors that 2nd door closed either doors or windows for me so I went searching for another door that would probably welcome me. I have found 3rd door, this door was so good and so I went in, I was just starting yet when 2nd door came calling asking me to enter and so I can’t say no to them asking 3rd door to just open their windows for me. I had two windows open now, one is for the 2nd door and the other is for the 3rd door. Now I just realized that I can’t do both simultaneously because I am still accomplishing some things which by the way is personal already. The 3rd door gives better return than 2nd door so I would just probably choose 3rd door turning 2nd door down, suddenly I realized that I have made a promise to the 2nd door to wait for me, I also realized I was leaving a friend there which I thought would stay and that while I was on the 3rd door I was missing the 2nd door so much it makes me want to come back. And so, I went asking 2nd door to take me back, leaving the 3rd door. The 3rd door did not called back like what the 2nd door always does when I do this stuff with them, they allowed me to decide my will and so I went back to 2nd door. Now the 2nd door have so little to offer me and I just realized I needed the 3rd door more than the 2nd door, I asked 3rd door for another chance, they still gave me but I don’t think I can handle what they have to offer anymore.
This is the story of three doors that keeps opening and closing for me. If you can relate, could you give me advice?
I said I am ready to take the final decision, and now that it came to my attention, I’m having second thoughts? Tama nga ba naging desisyon ko? Going on with the flow is kinda dangerous because I am not aware of the forces acting on me, now my real question is what is it that’s making me want this soooo much and making me stay? This is an excellent question, because I can’t find any reasons why I am doing this anymore…
Come to think about it, I might have been overwhelmed. It must be a mistake! I thought I’d be happy, I thought I’d be proud now that I am living it, it just doesn’t make sense at all. It’s not making me happy and it’s not making me proud, what I feel now is a shame out of all the discrepancies, I just realized I should have quit instead, I should have chose the other path. What a pathetic decision, I haven’t realized then until it came to my senses just now I was insulted and I was provoked and now what? I still chose to stay? What the hell am I thinking? I just realized now that I can’t go back and I can’t move on. My feet are at rest and I’m all tied up, what’s the next thing to consider? I don’t know… well enough, I should not travel this path. I should have left, but I have no choice now right? I don’t want to burn bridges, I know I have much to offer and they don’t deserve me at all. What the hell was I thinking? This sucks, I ain’t happy anymore with them like I used to. Is there a remedy for this? Life sucks….